Indiana man’s ‘zero working knowledge of Kardashians’ memorialized in obituary

The Kardashians don’t often make you consider your own mortality.

When you die (yeah, we’re getting morbid this morning), how will your Kardashian fandom be remembered? Fondly, probably! For one Indiana man, it was rather the opposite. Or rather, his wanton disregard for the Kardashian family was so significant as to warrant mention in his obituary.

Specifically, those memorializing one Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, Indiana, saw fit to mention that he “never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.”

The Kardashians and the extended Kardashian-Jenner universe are not a deadly serious matter, of course, and if this tidbit didn’t clue you in, the obituary is written in a jovial and often humorous tone, no doubt in the spirit of the man it memorializes. From the first line — “[Ward] escaped this mortal realm…leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse” — you get the vibe.

Other delightful details you can learn about Mr. Ward:

• He collected 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during a 39-year career with AT&T.
• He enjoyed snorkeling, ABBA, Bed, Bath & Beyond, free beer, the Chicago White Sox and The History Channel.
• He hated hummus when called hummus but loved hummus when called “bean dip.”
• He considered The Blues Brothers the best movie ever.
• He added hot sauce to any food.

Next: Kylie Jenner finally shows baby bump

While we can’t count him as one of our own in the Kardashian fandom, Terry Ward, who passed away on Jan. 23, 2018, seemed like a truly one of a kind man. Our sympathies are with his wife, daughters, brother and grandchildren. May they find comfort in all the things he loved — and maybe even in a Kardashian distraction or two?